Raise your hand if you’ve ever asked someone when they’re getting engaged? I’m sure most of you will answer yes. I’ve definitely done it before too. It seems like such a nonchalant question but in reality, we need to stop asking people that. Let me preface this by saying that if I bring up the topic of engagement, feel free to ask away. This is for the people who take it upon themselves to bring up the subject. (I know this will be a controversial topic so I’m just sharing my personal experience/view with it)my outfit: top (similar) – jeans– belt (similar) – shoes
Matt and I have been dating for almost 6 years now. Because of this, we get asked this question a million times. I’m not even exaggerating! (okay maybe a little, but we do get asked it a lot!) If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me “when are you getting engaged” or “why aren’t you guys engaged yet” or some other variation of the question, I swear I would be rich!
After being asked for the millionth time, I decided to write a blog post to explain why you need to stop asking couples when they’re getting engaged (which I’ve been scared to hit publish on for weeks now). Here’s why:
The Decision Is Personal
The important decisions that a couple makes, such as when to take the next big step in the relationship, is very personal. AKA it’s none of your business! Yup, I said it. I don’t care if you’re my aunt, grandma, friend, co-worker, third cousin twice removed, or whoever else you may be. It is none of your business when we decide its the right time to get engaged.
Matt and I of course have had several conversations around getting engaged. We have our plan set and agree that the next natural step in our relationship is to get engaged and then married. But that doesn’t mean it needs to happen right this second. That conversation is an A and B conversation so you can just C your way out of it.
I’m sure the couple you are asking has had at least one conversation around the subject. I’m sure they also have their own plan and are figuring it out together. They don’t need your input because you are not a part of their relationship. So please remember how personal this decision is before you ask someone.
The Surprise Element Of A Proposal Is Important
I think it is safe for me to say with confidence that most people who are close to getting engaged do not want to know exactly when the proposal is going to happen. I know I don’t want to know. So when you pry for information, you’re basically trying to ruin the surprise for the person who is eventually getting proposed to.
The second the proposal happens, if you’re important enough in my life, I promise you that you will be one of the first to know that I’m engaged. But until then, don’t ruin it for me (or anyone else for that matter)! The element of surprise is one of the exciting parts of getting engaged. Seeing how the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with proposes is so personal to that couple. They don’t need your input on how, when, or where it should happen.
Getting Engaged Is A Sensitive Topic
I’ve had a couple conversations with one of my best friends Morgan, of the blog FasionFriesX, around how much it annoys us when we get asked this question. Her and her boyfriend get asked it all the time too. Don’t you think that if you’re asking us when are we getting engaged, we might be wondering the same thing too? Don’t you think that we want to be engaged? Well thank you very much for rubbing it in our faces that we aren’t engaged yet (*sarcasm*).
This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to this topic. Matt and I have our plan set out. I love our plan and don’t want to change it. I also know that means we aren’t engaged yet. It’s always hard when you see people around you getting engaged when you know its something you are close to. So you bringing it up to me is not a fun feeling. Which brings me to my next point.
It Makes Them Uncomfortable
I think this is pretty self explanatory. Have you ever stopped to think about how uncomfortable you’re making the person feel every time someone asks them when are you getting engaged? The answer is very uncomfortable. As I mentioned above, that topic is very personal, it should be a surprise when it happens, and its a sensitive subject. Combine all of that together and it leads to one uncomfortable situation. Put yourself in that persons shoes, imagine how they’re feeling. There may be a smile on my face when I answer your question, I may do a little (uncomfortable) laugh, but the laugh and smile are me trying to hide how uncomfortable you’re making me feel. So please, think before you speak!
Every Couple Has A Different Timeline
Just because Matt and I have been dating for almost 6 years and living together for almost 2 does not mean that we need to be engaged like yesterday. Like I mentioned before, we have our timeline, we have our plan. Even if that plan doesn’t match the timeline YOU think we should be on, doesn’t mean our timeline is wrong.
At the end of the day every single relationship is on a different timeline. Some people move in together after a few months and get engaged a few months later. Others wait a few years to live together and then wait another few years to get engaged. There is no exact timeline that every couple needs to follow. Don’t force a timeline on a couple they aren’t meant to be on.
Marriage is Not For Everyone
There are couples who just don’t want to get married. Marriage is not for everyone. I know a couple who has decided they don’t want to be with anyone else, they’re going to be together for the rest of their life, but they don’t want a couple of rings and a piece of paper to tell the world that. It is totally okay that they will never get married and its not fair to put them in an uncomfortable position to explain why they don’t want to get married or put pressure on them to do something they don’t want to do.
So that’s my little rant about why you need to stop asking couples when they’re getting engaged!
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